Rec: Frankie's Cuban Sandwich

1 loaf French bread
Yellow mustard
Thinly sliced baked ham
Thinly sliced roast pork or beef
Dill pickle slices
Swiss Cheese slices

Slice bread to open. Thin layer of mustard on top and bottom halves of bread. Layer ham, roast, pickle and cheese evenly over the bread. Put on the top half of the bread. Cut into individual sandwiches not longer than six inches each.

Grill sandwiches on a hot buttered pan with a heavy skillet on top of the sandwich to flatten the sandwich to about ¼ of its original size. Grill for 2 to 3 minutes on each side or until golden brown.

You can use a George Forman Grill or Waffle Iron, too.

Rec: Vegetable Lasagna

For amounts, I pretty much eyeball it. Add or subtract as you will.

Pam spray

Two eggs

Jar of spinach dip

Medium container of ricotta cheese

Shredded mozzarella & parmesan (Target has the pre-blended bags)

Zucchini sliced lengthwise

Bag of fresh spinach

Barilla no-boil lasagna pasta

Potato chips or French-fried onions

I mixed the eggs, ½ the jar of spinach dip, ¼ the ricotta cheese and half-cup of the shredded cheeses in a big bowl.

I sprayed the pan with PAM, laid in the first two pieces of no-boil lasagna.

I poured in enough of the mix to cover the lasagna.

I laid in zucchini slices, then covered it with spinach.

Then I poured more of the mix and a liberal hand-sprinkling of the grated cheese because I thought it needed more.

Then another layer of the pasta, repeat as above.

Finally the top layer of pasta, liberally covered with chips.

I sealed the whole thing with aluminum foil to keep in the moisture and baked at 350 degrees F. Um, if you ask me how long, I don’t know – at least 45 minutes. I poked it with a knife and when the knife went all the way down easily, I knew the pasta was cooked.

I think next time, I’ll cut back on the ricotta, which is pretty bland, up the spinach dip and add some Feta cheese for some additional “tang.” I also think I’ll use lots more zucchini. The spinach cooks way down, but the zucchini gives the flavor and texture. Maybe green tomatoes. Maybe I’ll try that when I’ve worked my way through the other lasagna. Maybe onions and some more garlic powder sprinkled in. Olive oil, too.

My New Living Will

I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead partisan politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it or lawyers/doctors/hospitals interested in simply running up the bills. If a reasonable amount of time passes (a day or two) and I fail to ask for at least ONE of the following…Martini ____ Margarita ____ Scotch and Water____ Bloody Mary ____Vodka & Tonic ____
Glass of Chardonnay or ____ Merlot ____Steak ____ Lobster or Crab Legs ____
The Remote Control ____Bowl of Ice Cream ____ The Sports Page ____ Chocolate ____
Or Sex ____…it should be presumed that I will never get any better. When such a determination is reached, I here by instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day. At this point, it is time for all of my friends to raise their glasses to toast the good times we have had. Signature: ___________________________ Date: ___/___/___


Via Frankie

Paraprosdokians

PARAPROSDOKIANS are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous. (Winston Churchill loved them)

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left..

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

26. Where there's a will, there are relatives.

TOP TEN BEST EXCUSES IN CRIMINAL CASES

1. License case: “It wasn’t me, my brother did it, my brother did it” The defendant doesn’t have a brother.

2. Assault and Battery Case: “The guy walked into my fist. I tried to stop him, but he kept running into my fist!”

3. Shoplifting case: “I was going to return it if it didn’t fit, really I was.”

4. Conspiracy case: “it was entirely my wife’s idea, I will testify that way if I need to.”

5. Assault with Dangerous Weapon: “The cops must have planted my fingerprints on the weapon.”

6. Drug case: “I was only given $5,000 to drive this bag from one location to another, how was I supposed to know there was something illegal in the bag?”

7. Minor in possession of alcohol: “Yeah, we had the alcohol, but I wasn’t given my Miranda rights, so that means a dismissal right?” The police saw the person drinking in the car and there were no statements to be suppressed.

8. DUI case: “I drank a lot, but I wasn’t that drunk because I got to the car and I was driving.”

9. Drug case: An overweight person claimed that she didn’t use crack cocaine. While pointing at herself she stated, “look at me, does it look like I use crack!”

10. My favorite: A doctor gets arrested for trying to elicit sex from a prostitute. “I was doing research on STDs."

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRANKIE MCDONALD!

Yes, it's that time again.
It must be nice to finally be 30.

TIME TO CELEBRATE!

Rec: Frankie's Potato Knish, The Easy Way

Buy one box of the packaged potato pancake mix (that’s LATKE
not KUGEL) in the international food section and the puff-pastry
sheets from the frozen dessert section – both are available
at Publix.

Follow the directions on the puff pastry box and the potato
pancake mix.

There are two sheets of the puff pastry. You can cut the two
sheets in half so that you now have four pieces. Let thaw
while you prepare the potato pancake mix.

Follow the directions on the box to prepare the potato pancake
mix. Then, after it’s mixed, pour it into a large glass baking
container and nuke it at HIGH for 10 minutes, or until the center
holds a toothpick upright. You don’t want to dry out the mix
or burn it, but you do want it done, so you might have to stop
the microwave and stir the mix again before resuming the
nuking to make sure it’s all cooked.

Now that you’re happy that it’s cooked through, it should still be
pliable and crumbly. Put it in four equal measures on the four
pieces of puff pastry sheet. Smoosh it into a rectangular form
on the sheet. I usually make sure it’s toward one side so I can
just fold the other half of the sheet over and have it fairly
evenly distributed but still covered by the pastry. Or you can
put the potato mix in the middle of the sheet and pull up the
four corners and make it look pretty. I prefer the simple
fold-over and pinch the edges together on the open three
sides of the little “bed” of pastry like I do. The theory is,
you don’t want to bite pastry without getting some potato
in it.

Put it in the conventional oven on a cookie sheet and bake at
400 degrees or until the shell is golden brown. Take it out
and let it cool.

Good eating.

Rec: Frankie's Veggie Sandwiches And Poor Man's Eggplant Parmesan

Just a couple of squash, zucchini, eggplant and a package
(or can) of mushrooms, some cheese and one onion, all of
which costs less than $5, and you can make the neatest
and tastiest veggie sandwiches.

Long slice the zucchini, yellow squash, mushrooms, onions
(I like red), eggplant or cabbage (be creative in your slicing)
and sauté the sliced veggies and mushrooms in olive oil, a
teaspoon of soy sauce, sprinkling of garlic powder, basil. When
everything is nice and limp, lay it out in layers on a toasted
hoagie roll or bun or whatever. Add shredded Parmesan or
the powdered kind (I like shredded, it melts so nice and oozily).
Devour at will. If you make more than can be put in one
sandwich, put the already cooked stuff in storage bag or bowl
and you can reheat for later sandwiches. Tomato, fried or plain,
also adds zest.

Eggplant is also great if sautéed in margarine until limp, cover
with shredded Parmesan and Mozzarella cheese and then pour
a can of Beefaroni (or the Wal-Mart generic Macaroni and Beef)
over it. Mmm-mmm. I call that the poor man’s Eggplant
Parmesan. And the Beefaroni is way low in fat. So try that too.

Rec: Annette's Heart-Stopping Artichoke Dip

INGREDIENTS
1 (14 ounce) can artichoke hearts, drained and chopped
1 cup mayonnaise
1 cup grated Parmesan cheese
1 teaspoon grated garlic (or 1 tablespoon powdered garlic – NOT garlic salt)


DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F
Combine the artichoke hearts, mayonnaise, cheese and garlic. Mix well and pour into a 2 quart casserole dish.
Bake for 20 to 25 minutes or until lightly browned.
Serve w/ crackers or plain tortilla chips.
I’ve also seen this dip with 4 oz. of diced green chili instead of the garlic.

Rec: Frankie's Campers Corned Beef Hash

Field-expedient method: Take 3 or 4 medium-sized potatoes,
nuke on HIGH for five minutes. Poke them with a fork and
make sure they’re cooked through. If not, give them another
couple of minutes. Poke again and nuke again if necessary.
When done, remove from microwave and put in a plastic sealed
container. Transport in your cooler or just stick in the fridge
for later.

At your leisure, dice ¼ to ½ onion; open a can of corned beef;
take out as many potatoes as you like and dice. Add about 2
tablespoons of cooking oil in a skillet, put in the onions and
potatoes, spread around in the oil. Place thin slices of corned
beef straight from the can on top of the veggies as they cook.
Not the whole can – just enough to cover the potatoes in the
pan. Put the excess in the sealed container with your unused
potatoes for later.

Over MEDIUM heat, stir occasionally until potatoes are
browned. Remove from heat and serve. You shouldn't need
much salt, the canned corn beef has plenty. You can throw in
some garlic powder or other seasonings, but frankly the
onion and touch of salt and pepper are all that’s needed.
Occasionally, I toss in diced egg plant or cabbage and let
it simmer with the potato. Excellente!

Rec: Helluva Good Veggie Sandwich For One

1 croissant, sliced lengthwise
2 ozs cream cheese
1/4 of an avocado, sliced thin
1/4 cup alfalfa sprouts
1 tablespoon sunflower seeds
1 tablespoon raisins
2 tablespoons carrots, shredded
1/4 of a green apple, sliced


Spread the cream cheese on the bottom of the croissant.
Arrange the sliced avacado over the cream cheese.
Top with all the other ingredients. Enjoy.

Rec: Frankie's Turkey Meatloaf

1/2 pound ground turkey
1 egg
1/4 cup salsa
1/8 cup green olives (well-drained)
1/4 cup chopped onion
1/4 cup dry bread crumbs or saltines
lemon pepper to taste


Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
In a large bowl combine the turkey, egg, salsa, onion,
bread crumbs and lemon pepper. Mix well with hands
until blended. Press mixture into a loaf pan. Bake in
the preheated oven for 25 minutes.


Serves 2 to 4
Refrigerate remainder
Can be reheated in microwave

Rec: Frankie's Bratwurst With Curry Sauce

A tasty simple dish I modified from my time in Germany is
the Bratwurst with curry sauce. With a little experimentation,
I think I’ve got it. Buy your bratwurst and broil it like you
usually do in the oven or on the grill. While it’s cooking,
get your cheap ketchup – any kind will do, put about ½
cup of ketchup with two tablespoons of water, and add a
teaspoon of curry powder. Stir or shake vigorously. Add
a half-teaspoon of Worcestershire to the mix, again stir or
shake vigorously. Add the sauce to the bratwurst, on a
plate, in a sandwich, in a bun – your choice. Great with
fresh French fries.

Enjoy

Rec: Frankie's Breads

Make your own interesting bread sticks or flat breads.
Yes, they sell bread sticks in the pop-n-fresh section,
but you can do it with the generic cheap-o pop-n-fresh
biscuits found in any grocery store at a fraction of the price.
You need ½ cup regular flour, 1 tablespoon garlic salt,
1/3 cup Parmesan cheese, mix together and evenly and
thinly spread over a wax papered flat surface.


Okay. Now, open your pop-n-fresh generic biscuits
(usually 10 in a cylinder). Stretch each biscuit into a
long form or stretch it out thinner and roll and flip it
in the mix. Do each biscuit – you don’t want too much
flour, just enough to stiffen the dough. Lay the biscuit
on a cookie sheet lightly sprayed with Pam or other spray
oil. Sprinkle extra Parmesan or garlic powder if you like.


Bake at 400 degrees F (or at the temp on the package if
different) or until golden brown.

Remove from heat. Let cool 10 minutes (if you can
restrain yourself that long) and enjoy.

Great with spaghetti, lasagna, egg plant parmesan.

Rec: Frankie's Spinach Pie

You will need 1) puff pastry sheets package or 2 pie shells,
2) fresh bag of spinach (the kind with shredded carrots is
okay), 3) one red onion (tastes better, but any kind of onion
will do), 4) shredded Mozzarella cheese, 5) crumbled Feta
Cheese, 6) olive oil, 7) garlic powder (not garlic salt), 8) a
little basil is optional.

Puff pastry sheets, available in Publix frozen dessert section,
make the best crust. There are two sheets of pastry per box.
Use both.

Defrost and pre-heat pastry sheets per the directions on the
box. Bake the bottom pastry sheet until it puffs up nice and
light brown, watch the pastry carefully because it cooks really
fast. Remove from the oven.

On the baked pastry sheet, lay down an fairly thick layer of
spinach leaves, covering all of the pastry sheet. Sprinkle it
lightly with olive oil. Sprinkle with basil leaves (if desirable).
Put a layer of THINLY sliced onions. Go easy on the onion;
you don’t want to wipe out the spinach flavor. The onion adds
a bit of tang, it shouldn’t obliterate. Now, sprinkle Feta cheese
crumbles over the spinach and onion. Go light; Feta is very
salty. Now sprinkle the shredded Mozzarella.

Lay down another layer of spinach leaves, olive oil sprinkles,
basil, onion, Feta, Mozzarella as described above.

You’re building flavor layers. Spinach is the main flavor, onion,
Feta, olive oil, basil leaves, garlic powder are the enhancers.
Mozzarella is the glue that holds the pie together, so you want
enough that it will make things stick together, but you don’t
want a great clumpy mass. Good spinach pie can be eaten hot
or cold, so you’re trying to avoid making a congealed mass of
Mozzarella later.

Make as many complete layers of these ingredients as you like.
I usually stop at three. Sometimes I add sliced mushrooms or
thinly sliced green tomatoes as well.

Cover the center concoction with the second puff pastry
sheet. You don’t need to pinch the edges together on the
sheets, just push it down around the edges. Put in the oven
at 400 degrees F. Make sure you keep an eye on it as it bakes,
usually less than fifteen minutes. Remove when the pastry
is golden brown. Let it cool. Eat it warm or cold.

This is a popular dish for office parties…you can save yourself
clean up time by using the throwaway baking pans. Good
healthy stuff and a tasty way to get veggies into your diet. Enjoy.

Rec: Green Tomatoe Pie

Store-bought pastry shell. I pre-bake the bottom so it’s not mushy (think you’re supposed to but since I never see it on the cook shows, who knows?).

Cup of brown sugar.

Stick & ¼ or more of salted butter.
½ cup sliced almonds
Teaspoon of ground cloves
Teaspoon of cinnamon
Three or four REALLY big green, green tomatoes or six or seven tomatillos. You want the greener and the harder the better. The pale green ones don’t have as much taste. The going-to-pink or red ones don’t have the “tang.” Dice the tomatoes up.
Finely shredded cheddar cheese – about ½ cup?

Brown the butter. When it’s really bubbling, add the sugar and cloves and cinnamon. Keep stirring till it’s got a nice even consistency and the sugar is thoroughly melted. Add the tomatoes and cook until they are fork tender. Then stir in the almonds or whatever nuts you prefer. Check your mix while cooking by tasting. Add or subtract at will.

You’ve already browned the bottom pastry layer. Put a layer of the cheddar cheese on it. Pour the mix in the pie. Put another layer of cheese over the mix. Put on the top pastry sheet and bake until browned. Or leave it as an open pie with the nuts on top and bake until it’s bubbling and you haven’t burned the pie crust edge. This will only take a very, very few minutes in the oven.

Done. Let cool a bit and serve. I don’t add salt. Salt is in the butter and the cheese already.