And so it goes...
In the news today, Amber Turner and Erin Ross -- another
young woman dates a loser, breaks it off with him, and he
comes unglued. He texts her. He harasses her. He stalks her,
waiting outside her residence and her work place. She goes
to get a restraining order and gets denied by the judge. So
stalker-ex kidnaps her as she's heading to work, takes her
to a motel, kills her and himself. And now becomes the
inevitable handwringing and blame game, as everyone sings
the woulda, shoulda, coulda refrain. And as I'm walking my
dog at lunch, I hear a guy on his cell phone outside his
apartment (notice how the cell phone generation conduct
"private" phone calls where EVERYONE has to hear them?)
in a tirade against whatever woman he's involved with -- or
thinks he is. His conversation is, You been with three different
guys since I known you, you're just a whore, I ain't putting up
with it. Well, obviously, he is putting up with it, because
instead of cutting this alleged whore out of his life and moving
on, he's hammering at her on the phone and making demands
of her under some kind of strange rationale that he'll somehow
only be satisfied if he has her back -- even though she's a
whore and worthless and can't be trusted.
20 minutes later, the dog is back in the house and I'm heading
back to work, and this idiot is STILL outside on his cell phone
berating this woman, who apparently is too stupid to hit the
END button and turn her phone OFF and/or do the magical
programming to block his phone calls. She obviously doesn't
live with him. He's not paying her any money (at least, he
didn't mention it in his phone call -- he'd have been bringing
that up, trust me) and they don't have any kids together
(because that also didn't come into the harangue and they'd
have been used for verbal leverage). So WHY, WHY, WHY
is this woman not hanging up on this guy?
Because date/domestic abuse is a sick, vicious game and it
takes two players. One player gets to be the psycho bully
and one gets to play the mentally defective victim. And
make no mistake, the victim is as mentally defective as the
bully. The victim chooses to be a victim. The bully chooses
to be a bully. And both of them choose to be completely
irrational and self-destructive, locked in an perpetual match
of violent stupidity.
We have all the laws in place for the abused women (and
statistically, it is many more times women than men) to get
help, get away from their abusers, get counseling and
assistance. But there's no legislating common sense and
self-preservation. And after decades of working to get
women sanctuary from abusive relationships, you begin to
understand the earlier history of disdain by law enforcement
for victims of domestic violence. It's hard to have sympathy
for someone so dumb they keep walking into the buzzsaw.
It's hard to be sympathetic to someone who clearly has a
choice in who they date and what they do with their life, and
choose consistently to pick a piece of destructive two-legged
crap, whether it's for a one-time date or a life-time
commitment.
It used to be said that women stayed in abusive relationships
because financially, they and their children were not in a
position to live without the abuser's income. If you look at
the statistics now, most women have their own jobs and
sufficient government aid that they don't have to be in a
relationship for financial survival. In fact, many of them are
with guys who are providing little or nothing to the
household income. So why are they still walking into the
relationship meat grinders? Because women haven't gotten
the message that they are the ones who choose the kind of
life they want to live. If they pick a sadistic twit-head for a
partner, then it's on them to get out of it. If they want a
better life, they have to be more careful and cold-blooded
about what kind of guy they allow through their door. And
you don't have to be nice about his feelings if he's the one
who's crossing the line. But you have to make sure he knows
where the line is and that he won't like what happens if he
crosses it.
There's no rule that says you have to give ANYONE your
phone number. There's no rule that says you have to let the
guy in your house on the first, second -- or fiftieth date.
Women need to ask themselves when they are first being
chatted up, where do I see this guy in five years? Where do
I see him going in ten years? If he's 20 or 30-something years
old, hasn't got a job, doesn't own a car, hasn't got his own place
with HIS name on the lease, can't pay for a movie and a meal
for his date, can't pull his pants up, can't stay sober and
doesn't know how to take NO for an answer, treats you like
you're too dumb to come in out of the rain, then chances are
really good that he's going nowhere, ever, and he's going to
make sure you go with him if you're dumb enough to stick
around.
If you have a history of crappy relationships, take a good
hard look in the mirror and see if you're walking around
with a big V for victim on your forehead. If that's what's
shining back at you, then you need to make up your mind if
this is what you want to be for the rest of your life, and
define your future choices accordingly. If you don't know
or can't tell -- contact the YHTP.org -- You have the
Power...Know How to Use It, Inc. to reduce your chances
of being a victim and joining the depressing list of relationship
casualties.
Good luck.
Florida Cracker
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