Tuesday, January 31, 2017

The Thought For Today

“When the food runs out, the family reunion is over. It’s cool that out of all my relatives, I’m the only cannibal. 
”  -    Jarod Kintz

Monday, January 30, 2017

The Thought For Today

"One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you." - Larry Gelbart

Common foods that are toxic for pets

Own a dog or cat? This is important stuff to know, print and post on your fridge.

Sunday, January 29, 2017

Saturday, January 28, 2017

Funny and Extreme Videos, Flash Games, Funny Pictures, Funny Jokes, Funny Flash Humor - KillSomeTime.com

Funny and Extreme Videos, Flash Games, Funny Pictures, Funny Jokes, Funny Flash Humor - KillSomeTime.com As the name says, it's a great place to kill some time. You especially need to check out the video shorts - page after page of them. All of the classics are there including Janet Jackson's little mishap. I especially love "Got Milk?".

Friday, January 27, 2017

The Thought For Today

"Any kid'll run an errand for you if you ask at bedtime." - Red Skelton

EATR: The Vegetarian Robot that Kills : TreeHugger

EATR: The Vegetarian Robot that Kills : TreeHugger


Now, this is a bit weird.

Thursday, January 26, 2017

The Thought For Today

"The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing." - Phyllis Diller

10 Ways to Freak Out Your Date

"Here’s my pick for 10 ways to turn off your date, with some choice marketing language from their vendors. If you wear one of these and your date does not quickly disappear, I suggest you hurry and take out a restraining order and change your telephone number, cuz you got yourself a big problem." My favorite - #8 of course! 

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

The Thought For Today

“I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food” ― Erma Bombeck

Rec: Haggis, Tatties and Neeps

Sunday night is Burns Night so why not celebrate it like every good Scot with Haggis accompanied with Tatties and Neeps (mashed potatoes with a little nutmeg and Mashed Swede also known as turnip with a little ginger). In this recipe I have combined the two, sprinkled a little Scottish cheddar cheese over the top to make Orkney Clapshot but you can keep the two separate if you prefer.
(NOTE: The dictionary says that the Swedish turnip is actually the rutabaga. Plan accordingly.)


Haggis
1.2-1.5kg haggis (look for the best quality you can find, it is now found in many butchers and supermarkets around the world or order it in if you have to).


Tatties
600g mashing potato, peeled and roughly chopped
60ml milk
4 tbsp butter
a generous pinch of grated nutmeg
maldon salt


Neeps
600g Swede (turnip), peeled and roughly chopped
4 tbsp butter
3cm ginger, peeled and chopped or ground ginger
maldon salt and freshly ground black pepper


Orkney Clapshot
Tatties and Neeps
150g cheddar cheese, grated


To Serve
cooked kale, cabbage or spinach tossed in a little butter and season with a little salt and pepper
30ml whisky.



Haggis: Place the haggis in a large saucepan and cover it with cold water. Bring the water to a strong simmer then reduce the heat to a gentle steady simmer and cover the pan. Leave the haggis to cook for 40 minutes per 500g.


Tatties: Place the potatoes in a saucepan and cover them with cold water, bring the water to the boil then reduce it to a strong simmer. Leave the potatoes to cook for 20-30 minutes until they are tender. Drain the potatoes well and return them to the pan. Return the pan to the low heat and dry the potatoes for a couple of minutes. Add the butter and milk to the pan and mash the potatoes with a fork or potato masher. Add the nutmeg and a little salt to the potatoes and beat them to a smooth mash.


Neeps: Place the Swede (turnip) in a saucepan and cover them with cold water. Place the pan over a high heat and bring the water to a boil, reduce the heat to a strong simmer and leave the Swede to cook for 20-30 minutes until they are tender. Drain Swede and return them to the pan. Place the saucepan over a low heat and cook the Swede to dry it out for a couple of minutes. Add the butter and ginger to the pan and cook them with the Swede for a minute. Mash the mixture with a fork or potato masher. Season the Neeps with a little salt and pepper and beat it until smooth.


Orkney Clapshot: Preheat a grill to high. Mix together "Tatties and Neeps" until they are well combined. Place the mixture in an oven proof container and cover it with the grated cheese. Place the container under the hot grill and cook it until golden brown. Serve



To Serve Haggis: Remove the haggis from the pan and cut it open with scissors or a knife. Serve the Haggis accompanied with Tatties and Neeps or Orkney Clapshot and your choice of greens. Drizzle a little of whisky over each serving of haggis (optional). Serve



Serves 6
I have no idea what to do with leftovers

Monday, January 23, 2017

Address to a Haggis by Robert Burns

Address to a Haggis by Robert Burns

Remember, Wednesday night (the 25th) is Burns Night. Address to a Haggis is normally recited over the supper. I've ordered MY Haggis, have you?

Sunday, January 22, 2017

Saturday, January 21, 2017

My New Living Will

I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead partisan politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it or lawyers/doctors/hospitals interested in simply running up the bills. If a reasonable amount of time passes (a day or two) and I fail to ask for at least ONE of the following…Martini ____ Margarita ____ Scotch and Water____ Bloody Mary ____Vodka & Tonic ____
Glass of Chardonnay or ____ Merlot ____Steak ____ Lobster or Crab Legs ____
The Remote Control ____Bowl of Ice Cream ____ The Sports Page ____ Chocolate ____
Or Sex ____…it should be presumed that I will never get any better. When such a determination is reached, I here by instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day. At this point, it is time for all of my friends to raise their glasses to toast the good times we have had. Signature: ___________________________ Date: ___/___/___


Via Frankie

Friday, January 20, 2017

The Thought For Today

"My mother said to me, "If you are a soldier, you will become a general. If you are a monk, you will become the Pope." Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso." - Pablo Picasso

Your Breasts Are Trying To Kill You

From Slate: A smart new history takes boobs seriously. NOT just for women.

Thursday, January 19, 2017

The Thought For Today

"Be true to your teeth and they won't be false to you." - Milton Supman...'Soupy Sales'

Which Science-Fiction Writer Are You?

Which Science-Fiction Writer Are You?


You KNOW you want to know. And in case you were wondering, Arthur C. Clarke. I WISH.

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

The Thought For Today

"A man who carries a cat by the tail will learn something he can learn in no other way." - Mark Twain

What on Earth - A Collection Of Fun Wear & Delightful Diversions

What on Earth - A Collection Of Fun Wear & Delightful Diversions

Another fun place to shop - I get a lot of my T-shirts here. "Some days it's not even worth chewing through the restraints." What more can you say?

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Rec: Crockpot Bouillabaisse

1 onion, chopped
1/2 cup dry white wine
3 celery stalks with leaves, chopped
1 pinch saffron
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 dash Tabasco sauce
1/2 cup olive oil
3 lbs mixed fish, cut into 1" squares
2 cups clam juice
1 lb lobster/tails (optional)
1/4 cup parsley, chopped
1 lb crabmeat (optional)
3 tomatoes, diced
1 lb shrimp, shelled and deveined
2 teaspoons salt
2 dozen clams, mussels or scallops
1/2 teaspoon thyme
1 tablespoon paprika


Put all ingredients, except seafood, in crockpot. Cover and
cook on HIGH for 2 to 4 hours. Add seafood. Cover and cook on
HIGH for 1 to 3 hours. Serve in heated large bowls garnished
with fresh parsley with crusty bread on the side.

Serves 4 to 6
Refrigerate remainder
Can be reheated in microwave though it's also good chilled

Rec: Best Unsteamed Shrimp

1/2 cup butter
2 pounds large shrimp - peeled and deveined
1/4 cup Old Bay Seasoning
2 tablespoons lemon juice



Place butter in microwave safe bowl. Place bowl in
microwave and melt butter (15 to 30 seconds on HIGH).
Add Old Bay seasoning ™ and lemon juice. Stir well. Coat
microwave safe pan with non-stick cooking spray.
Arrange shrimp in a layer in the pan. Pour butter
mixture evenly over shrimp. Cook in microwave on
HIGH power for 6 minutes. After two minutes have
elapsed pause microwave and rearrange shrimp (move
shrimp from the center to the outside, from the outside to
the center). Let the shrimp cook for another 2 minutes.
When 4 minutes have elapsed pause the microwave
again, rearrange the shrimp once more. Place shrimp
back in the microwave and cook remaining two minutes.
Cook until shrimp turn pink. Serve hot with your favorite
cocktail sauce.


Serves 4

Rec: Microwave Red Snapper

4 (6 oz) fillets red snapper or haddock
3/4 cup sour cream
1/4 cup mayonnaise
3 tablespoons milk
1 tablespoon prepared mustard
1 1/2 teaspoons dill weed
hot cooked rice



Cut fish into serving-size pieces; place in an ungreased
shallow microwave-safe dish. Cover and microwave on
HIGH for 3 1/2 minutes. Drain liquid. Combine the sour
cream, mayonnaise, milk, mustard and dill; drizzle 1/2 cup
over the fish. Microwave, uncovered, on HIGH for 3 1/2
minutes or until fish flakes easily with a fork. Serve over
rice with remaining sauce.


Serves 4 to 6
Refrigerate remainder
Can be reheated in microwave

Rec: Microwave Mediterranean Fish

1 sliced onion
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 crushed garlic clove
1 (14 to 15 oz) can stewed tomatoes
4 tablespoons tomatoe-based salsa
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 1/2 lbs red snapper
12 sliced green olives


In a microwave safe container, combine sliced onion, olive oil
and crushed garlic. Cover and microwave on HIGH for 3
minutes. Drain. Stir in stewed tomatoes, salsa and cinnamon.
Top with red snapper and sliced green olives. Cover and
microwave on HIGH for 3 to 4 minutes or until fish flakes
easily with a fork.

Serves 4
Refrigerate remainder
Can be reheated in microwave

Rec: Trout Chowder

1 medium onion, chopped
1 tablespoon butter or margarine
2 cups milk
1 cup Ranch salad dressing
1 pound skinless, boneless trout fillets
1 (10 oz) package frozen broccoli cuts, thawed
1 cup cubed or shredded Cheddar cheese
1 cup cubed or shredded Monterey Jack cheese
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
Paprika


In a skillet, saute onion in butter until tender. Transfer to
a crock pot; add milk, dressing, fish, broccoli, cheeses and
garlic powder. Cover and cook on HIGH for 1-1/2 to 2 hours
or until chowder is bubbly and fish flakes easily with a fork.
Sprinkle with paprika if desired.


Serves 4 to 6
Refrigerate remainder
Can be reheated in microwave

Sunday, January 15, 2017

Friday, January 13, 2017

The Thought For Today

"For Christmas, I gave my kid a BB gun. He gave me a sweater with a bull's-eye on the back." - Rodney Dangerfield

The Coalition to Ban Dihydrogen Monoxide

Look it up people...

Thursday, January 12, 2017

The Thought For Today

"To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad." - Jack Handey

Bullshit Deflectors

"The "Bullshit Deflector" flaps are a great way to protect yourself from GOP or punditry bullshit and spin..."

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

The Thought For Today

"A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.'" - Steven Wright

News Thump

UK spoof news and satire. Their version of The Onion. Enjoy.

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

The Thought For Today

"Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside." - Mark Twain

Rec: Microwave Chicken Cacciatore

4 boneless skinless chicken breasts
1/2 medium green pepper, thinly sliced
1/2 medium red pepper, thinly sliced
1/2 medium onion, thinly sliced
2 garlic cloves, minced
8 ounces fresh mushrooms, sliced
2 stalks celery, sliced
1 tablespoon butter or margarine
1 tablespoon water
4 ounces of sliced black olives, drained
2 cups bottled spaghetti sauce (no meat)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
2 tablespoons tomato paste


Combine celery, peppers, onion, garlic and mushrooms with
water and butter in a 2 quart microwave-safe dish. Cook
uncovered on HIGH for 3 to 4 minutes, stirring after every
minute. Drain. Stir in spaghetti sauce, olives, tomato paste,
salt and pepper. Slice chicken breasts in half lengthwise. Slide
chicken into casserole dish with other ingredients, turning to
coat with sauce. Arrange with meatiest portions towards the
outside of the dish. Cover and cook 10 to 12 minutes on HIGH,
or until chicken is cooked through. Serve over hot pasta or rice.

Serves 5 to 6
Refrigerate remainder
Can be reheated in microwave

Rec: Chicken Wings In Honey Sauce

3 pounds chicken wings (16 wings)
salt and pepper to taste
2 cups honey
1 cup soy sauce
1/2 cup ketchup
1/4 cup oil
2 cloves garlic, minced
Sesame seeds (optional)



Rinse chicken and pat dry. Cut off and discard
wing tips. Cut each wing at joint to make two
sections. Sprinkle wing parts with salt and pepper.
Place wing parts on broiler pan. Broil 5 to 4
inches from heat 20 minutes, 10 minutes a side
or until chicken is brown. Transfer chicken to
crockpot. For sauce, combine honey, soy sauce,
ketchup, oil and garlic in bowl. Pour over
chicken wings. Cover and cook on LOW 4 to 5
hours or on HIGH 2 to 2 /2 hours. Garnish
with sesame seeds, if desired.


Serves 2 to 4
Refrigerate remainder
Can be reheated in microwave

Rec: Crockpot Chicken Cordon Bleu

6 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves
1 10.75 oz can condensed cream of chicken soup
1 cup milk
4 oz sliced ham
4 oz sliced Swiss cheese
1 8 oz package herbed dry bread stuffing mix
1/4 cup melted butter
salt and pepper to taste


Mix the soup and milk together in a small bowl. Pour enough
of the mixture into the crockpot to cover the bottom. Layer
chicken breasts over the mixture. Cover with sliced ham and
then with Swiss cheese. Pour the remaining soup mix over the
top, stirring a little to distribute between layers. Sprinkle
stuffing on top and drizzle butter over stuffing. Cover and
cook on LOW for 4 to 6 hours, or 2 to 3 hours on HIGH.

Serves 6
Refrigerate remainder
Can be reheated in microwave

Rec: Crocked Chicken

1 1/3 cups rice
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 can cream of celery soup
1 can (6 oz.) evaporated milk
1 chicken, cut up
1 package dry onion soup mix


Butter crockpot (or Pam'd). Add rice, soups and
milk. Place chicken over rice mixture in crockpot.
Sprinkle dry soup mix over chicken. Cook on
LOW 8 hours or HIGH for 4 hours.

Serves 4
Refrigerate remainder
Can be reheated in microwave

Rec: Crockpot Bloody Mary Chicken

4 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves
1 (33.8 ounce) bottle Bloody Mary mix (extra spicy okay)
1/2 cup chopped celery
1/2 cup chopped onion
1/2 cup chopped carrot


Wash, skin and remove fat from chicken breasts and place
in a crockpot. Pour Bloody Mary mix and vegetables over
the chicken breasts, cook on LOW for 8 hours. Serve over
a bed of rice or noodles.


Serves 2 to 4
Refrigerate remainder
Can be reheated in microwave

Monday, January 09, 2017

The Thought For Today

"Sharks have been swimming the oceans unchallenged for thousands of years; chances are, the species that roams corporate waters will prove just as hardy." - Eric Gelman

Main Page - Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Main Page - Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

I have no doubt that they've chased you off of Wikipedia. But here you can play to your hearts content. Or as they put it, "the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit".

Sunday, January 08, 2017

Saturday, January 07, 2017

Deano Sez: Unfortunate Star Wars Costumes

After you view (and laugh at) the costumes, go back and view the cards....well worth the fifteen minutes...

Friday, January 06, 2017

The Thought For Today

"The trouble with class reunions is that old flames have become even older." - Doug Larson

NSFW Welcome To The Land Of NSFW Comics

NSFW I don't even know how to begin to describe this one. Enjoy. NSFW

Thursday, January 05, 2017

The Thought For Today

"The dog was created especially for children. He is the god of frolic." - Henry Ward Beecher

Burn's Night Present

With Burn's Night coming up, forget the haggis, THIS is the way to celebrate!

Wednesday, January 04, 2017

The Thought For Today

"A surgeon in Florida was fined $5,000 for removing the kidney of a patient instead of the gallbladder. The surgeon said, 'I am so sorry for the mistake, and I mean that from the bottom of the red, pumpy thingy in my chest.'" - Jimmy Fallon

They Do It With... - Chez Goodman

They Do It With... - Chez Goodman The collection that you've been waiting all your life for. And remember: "Mimes don't do it; everyone hates a mime."

Tuesday, January 03, 2017

The Thought For Today

“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.” ― Calvin Trillin

Rec: Microwave Chinese Beef With Brocoli

11 oz. of sliced beef
11 oz. of brocoli
4 tablespoons of oil
1 tablespoon of soy sauce
1 teaspoon of corn flour
1 teaspoon of wine
1/2 teaspoon of salt


Cut the brocoli into bite-size pieces and mix them
with 2 tablespoons of oil. Cover with cling-wrap.
Marinate the beef with soy sauce, wine and corn
flour for a 1/2 hour. Add 2 tablespoons of oil and mix.
Cover with cling-wrap and cook on HIGH for 3 minutes.
Add brocoli and salt. Cover with cling wrap and cook
for 2 minutes on HIGH.

Rec: Microwave Beef Sukiyaki Donburi-Bowl

4 cups warm steamed rice
1 lb sirloin beef steak, sliced into 1 x 2-inch pieces
1 pound tofu, cut into 1 x 2 inch cubes
2 cups leek, cut into 2-inch lengths
1 cup zucchini, cut into 1/3-inch slices
1 cup carrots, cut Julienne
1 cup chives or green onions, cut into 1-inch length and cut length wise
1/4 teaspoon red pepper, chopped

Sauce
1/3 cup soy sauce
1/3 cup sugar
1/3 cup white wine




Place the ingredients in a microwave-safe
bowl (4 liter or 4 quart) and stir until sugar dissolves. Layer
in order, the tofu and the vegetables. Then the beef,
leaving a space in a center of the casserole. Pour the
Sukiyaki Sauce over the ingredients. Cover with a vented
microwave lid and cook on HIGH (1200W) for 12 to 14
minutes. When the beef is done, take out the casserole
and sprinkle with chives. Spoon steamed rice in serving
bowls and top with the Sukiyaki Sauce. Sprinkle with a
small amount of red pepper and serve.



Serves 4
Refrigerate remainder
Can be reheated in microwave

Rec: Microwave Chinese Shredded Beef With Chives

14 oz. of shredded beef
7 oz. of chives (cut into 1 inch length)
2 tablespoons oil
1 tablespoon of soy sauce
1 teaspoon of wine
1/2 teaspoon of salt
1 teaspoon of corn flour
1 red chilli, sliced



Marinate the shredded beef with soy sauce, wine and
corn flour for 20 minutes. Add 2 tablespoons of oil
and cover with cling-wrap. Cook on HIGH for 3 minutes.
Add in the cut chives and sliced red chilli. Cook on HIGH
for another 2 minutes.

Rec: Kei's Beef And Bell Peppers

1 lb sirloin beef, thinly sliced
1 1/2 cups red bell peppers, cored, seeded and cut into 1/2 inch strips
1 1/2 cups yellow bell peppers, cored, seeded and cut into 1/2 inch strips

Sauce

3 tablespoons oyster sauce
2 tablespoons sugar
1 tablespoon sesame oil
1 clove garlic, finely chopped
1 teaspoon Toban Jyan sauce
2 teaspoons cornstarch
1 tablespoon water


Garnish

4 sprigs cilantro


Cut the beef into 3 inch wide blocks. Then cut the blocks
into 1/2-inch strips. Mix the teriyaki sauce ingredients
in bowl. Place the bell peppers in a microwave-safe bowl
(3 quart.) Place the beef on top around the perimeter.
Remember: microwaves do not cook well at the center.
Pour Teriyaki sauce over all. Cover with a microwave lid.
Cook on HIGH (1200W) for 5 to 6 minutes. 4. Stir the
ingredients together and serve. Garnish plates with
cilantro sprigs.


Serves 4
Refrigerate remainder
Can be reheated in microwave

Rec: Crockpot Chinese Beef And Pea Pods

1 lb family steak - (to 1 1/2 lbs) thinly sliced
(works well to freeze it and then cut while partially thawed)
1 can beef consomme soup
1/4 cup soy sauce
1/4 tsp ground ginger
1 bunch green onions - (abt 8)
2 tablespoons cornstarch
2 tablespoons water
1 can sliced water chestnuts drained
1 sm can bamboo shoots drained
1 sm can bean sprouts drained



Combine steak in crock pot with consomme, soy sauce,
ginger and onion. Cover and cook on LOW for 5 to 7 hours.
Turn control to HIGH. Stir in cornstarch that has been
dissolved in the 2 tablespoons cold water. Cook on high for
15 minutes or until thickened.During last 5 minutes of
cooking, add water chestnuts, bamboo shoots, bean sprouts
and pea pods. Serve over hot rice.


Serves 6
Refrigerate remainder
Can be reheated in microwave

Sunday, January 01, 2017

Guess

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!