Thursday, December 31, 2015

New Years Resolutions

I will keep an extra safe distance when driving behind police cars.

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

New Years Resolutions

I will always replace the gas nozzle before driving away from the pump.



1. When I forget to go to the grocery store, I will not boil the macaroni necklaces my children made for me in preschool.

2. When I hear one of my children wake in the middle of the night, I will run upstairs to supervise before he relieves himself in the sink and then creeps into the bathtub to return to sleep.

3. I will pack the kids' lunch boxes the night before so I don't throw in a slab of frozen lasagna as they're running for the bus. "It'll defrost by lunch. If not, you can suck it like an ice pop."

4. I will resist the urge to explain to strangers why my son is wearing winter boots, a bathing suit bottom, and an inside-out and backward pajama top. I will be grateful that he is able to dress himself.

5. I will not tell my children that the Play-Doh dried up just because I don't feel like cleaning up after they use it, even though I know it means I'll spend the evening harvesting the colored stuff from the carpet fibers, chair cushions and the dog's fur.

6. I will always protect the rights of my children, especially their right to remain silent.

7. I will learn to accept the outbursts and tantrums as a part of life. After all, I promised to love my husband for better or worse.

8. When my husband and I go to a restaurant without the kids, I will not roll up his sleeves or move the knives from his reach. I will not accompany him to the bathroom and remind him to wash his hands with soap. If my husband wants dessert at the end of the meal, I will not tell him it depends on his behavior.

9. When I'm tired of hearing "mommieeeeee!" a thousand times each day, I will resist changing my name to "Please pass the spinach" or "TV is boring, I'd rather read."

10. I will develop an ability to have a conversation with an adult that doesn't revolve around labor pains or children's toilet habits. I will feel comfortable in the silence that ensues when neither of us can think of any other topic to discuss or remember we can always discuss the weather.

11. I will be more flexible about children's nutritional requirements by counting the ketchup and green crayon as vegetables.

12. When my children beg for a pet, I will buy them each a hutch for the dust bunnies that have multiplied under their beds. I will let them name each dust bunny.

13. I will count how often I repeat the phrase "You'd better listen because I will not repeat myself", until my children actually notice that I have spoken. I will not raise my voice until I have said it at least that many times.

14. When my kids are older (at least 50), I will explain why they never have any chocolate candy left after Mommy and Daddy "check" their Halloween bags.

15. I will be a good, fair and loving parent to my children. I will provide them with enriching experiences and opportunities. I will give them a solid foundation on which to build a useful life. After all, they may eventually be responsible for choosing a nursing home for me to live out my final days.

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

New Years Resolutions

Never again will I try to defuse an explosive device with a known practical joker.

Monday, December 28, 2015

New Years Resolutions

I will always "check for paper"when leaving the ladies room.

The Hard Truth From Orlando


It's sad. It's bad. But it's Louisiana (or Texas -- and sometimes Florida) -- or Ferguson, Missouri. The corruption and politically driven need for convictions to further careers in law enforcement and the criminal justice system are pretty obvious. It's embarrassing for those of us who work the system when this kind of obscenity is uncovered, and more of an embarrassment when there doesn't seem to be a quick and resolute correction of the malefaction.

But it's not merely a one-sided, race-driven institution that condemned Corey. It's that gaping Grand Canyon of the cultural divide. Where were Corey's parents in all this? Where was the adult supervision on the night of the pizza robbery? If the boy is that disabled, the crime occurred at night, where were his parents and the parental supervision for he and his underage brother and why were they hanging out with adult men who were probably well-known in the neighborhood for criminal activities? Why didn't the parents or the Defense take the non-compliance of the prosecutor and discovery violations to the media, if not to the Louisiana Bar Association? Because it's easier to blame the "white" system than to make it work for you.

I see this kind of potentially disastrous scenario every single day in Orlando. It happens in West Cocoa, Titusville -- anywhere you have the black population, and a fairly significant portion of our Hispanic population. It's the cultural norm to float around at all hours, unsupervised. It's the NORM to have a criminal record, and therefore you don't restrict your children from running with other people with criminal records or hanging in neighborhoods with a bad reputation. You condone criminal records because "it's the white people's fault" and most of your neighbors and family members have a record, so what's the big deal?

I don't doubt for a red-hot instant that blacks are stopped more often, arrested more often, charged more often, imprisoned more often. But isn't it equally true that so much of the crime is occurring or originating in predominantly black neighborhoods? Yes. I know that's how it is. But what has the black community done about changing this? They don't make their kids be HOME when it's dark. Hell, the parents aren't home after dark. They don't curtail who they hang with, family or not -- bad guys are bad guys. They don't enforce school and good behavior in school and studying (which you can't do anyway if you're not home until late and hanging around in the 'hood).

This morning at 5:10 a.m., walking the dog around the park, a younger black man on a bicycle came across the parkway, saw me, veered off and cut through the park on an expensive racing bicycle without headlights or tail-lights (which WILL get you stopped by the police in Orlando as it's a traffic infraction). He was wearing all dark clothes, had an expensive black backpack and, weirdly, black saddlebags on the bike. I turned the corner of the park and it wasn't three minutes when there was a loud metallic clang down Robinson and a business's alarm system went off. Three guesses which direction and where he'd have been time-wise when that alarm went off? Yep.

The burglaries in my neighborhood are almost nightly. The shootings in Orlando/Orange County are pretty much nightly, too. And the demographics? Nearly all black, with Hispanics running a not-too-close second. And yet, if that young man this morning had been stopped for a bike without lights while pedaling rapidly away from the alarm, he'd have argued "profiling." If he'd been white, he wouldn't have had any excuse. That's the real double-standard.

Change the culture and you'll change the frequency of Corey-type horror stories.

   Florida Cracker

((The original story:

Friday, December 25, 2015

The Thought For Today

"Christmas can be celebrated in the school room with pine trees, tinsel and reindeers, but there must be no mention of the man whose birthday is being celebrated. One wonders how a teacher would answer if a student asked why it was called Christmas." - Ronald Reagan

Thursday, December 24, 2015

The Thought For Today

"Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving." - Erma Bombeck

Wednesday, December 23, 2015


Free Xmas MP3 music downloads. Some old and some new. Anything would be better than the muzak that they play this time of year. So download to your computer/MP3 player and enjoy.

Monday, December 21, 2015

The Thought For Today

"Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn't laundering illegal drug money?" - Tom Armstrong

Write & Email Santa Claus a Christmas Letter

This is it, you'ld better get those requests in and don't worry, he WILL answer. Don't forget to leave some cookies and milk or even a slice of pie. He doesn't mind diet cookies too much, but soy milk gives him heartburn. Which makes him REAL angry. So if you don't want reindeer poop in your stockings (or under the tree), I'ld go with the real thing.

Saturday, December 19, 2015

Help with Christmas shopping - The Find

Use this site to help find who has it, and the cheapest price for the item you are looking for online.

Friday, December 18, 2015

The Thought For Today

"Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog: you may understand it better afterwards, but the frog dies in the process." - Mark Twain

ToyVault - Cthulhu

ToyVault - Cthulhu

It's Weird Friday again. If you or someone/something that you know loves the writings of H.P.Lovecraft, THIS is the place to visit. It's all beautiful, in a disgusting way. Perfect presents for the little ones. And maybe even some big ones too.

Thursday, December 17, 2015

Peanuts Charlie Brown with Pathetic Tree Action Figure

Reflecting the TRUE spirit of Xmas. With a little work, you could turn these into ornaments for YOUR tree.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

The Thought For Today

"The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it." - Jackie Gleason

Saturday, December 12, 2015

Holiday Gift Guide: Gift Ideas for Movie Lovers - Moviefone

Holiday Gift Guide: Gift Ideas for Movie Lovers - Moviefone

Where to find Xmas presents for the movie fans in your life. There's some pretty cool stuff here.

Friday, December 11, 2015

Toys With Mental Illnesses

It;s Weird Friday and: "Oh, what gift to offer the bipolar six-year-old nephew his birthday... I know! These German toys with mental illnesses would please the little tyke. Would he like the depressive turtle Dub, Kroko the water-phobic crocodile, or the personality disorder-affected sheep Dolly? Of course, there's also Sly the snake, who happens to suffer from hallucinations..."

Thursday, December 10, 2015

Friday, December 04, 2015

Jetpacks for the jetset

That's right you've discovered it here first, on Weird Friday. Check this one out - if your bank account is flush, then you flush yourself, right into the sky on your very own jet pack. This takes water skiing to a whole new level. If they add little parasails, then perhaps snow skiers can reach new heights as well!

Thursday, December 03, 2015

The Thought For Today

"They aren't making mirrors the way they used to. The ones I buy now are full of wrinkles." - Phillis Diller

Gas Powered Skateboards 52CC SUPER SALE (COOL VIDEO)

Gas Powered Skateboards 52CC SUPER SALE (COOL VIDEO)

Get one of these along with the motorized cooler and your life will be complete. At least until they come out with a flying car or cheap jet pack.